Tales of the Plague Times

If I had grandchildren …

GC: “Grandpa, tell us about the plague times of 2020.”
Me: “Well, I guess you’re finally old enough to hear the real story of what we lived through. It was a dark, dark time. I saw a man gut another man for a square of toilet paper. A woman burned her closest friend alive over a disinfectant wipe. If you had hand sanitizer you were a king among men. You could command armies, burning their lives like so much kindling in the fire. All we had to keep us sane was Netflix, Hulu, Prime Video, YouTube, and Twitch. Twitch, that haven of ghouls, fiends, speedrunners, and cosplayers! Watching the streams in those days we like seeing Hell come to Earth as streamers begged for some bits to buy a bag of rice. And then came the great Lowering of the Bandwidth, as the streaming companies downgraded resolutions without mercy. I had to watch a video in 720p on a 4k monitor. I cried that day, I’m not afraid to say. It’s hard to think about, to be honest. And I’m grateful every day that I survived, even though I once had to wipe my ass with a paper towel. The paper was so rough you can’t even imagine. Pray that those days never come again, grandchild. Never again.”